Some people will never understand!

So lately I've had a lot of people say to me "Are you married?" or "Do you have kids?" "Are you dating? Why not?" I know it's just "making conversation" but it is one if the hardest conversations to have multiple times a day where I work with new patients every 30 min or so or even family members or people you haven't seen in awhile. Its not that I don't want to be married or have kids, in fact it's what I want more than anything in this world!!!! It's just not my time, for some freaking reason I will never understand! It sucks being the only one out of all my friends not married, dating, or engaged and as truly happy as I am for them it is still hard to sit home every weekend wishing I had something to do or someone to go hang out with. I have amazing friends who invite me go with them and there significant other and it is my insecurities of thinking "People will think I'm just the 3rd wheel?"" or "What will people think when they see me with them all the time and never having anyone?" So I don't go. It's not that I'm being picky or shallow I'm just not going to settle for the wrong guy. The hardest part that people don't understand is when you don't want to go but have to force yourself to go on a date when you get asked because you are so scared of being hurt or being lead on, which happens a lot! But the worst part is when you get asked and the guy doesn't show up, but doesn't just show up doesn't call or text to say he isn't coming and your sitting there like a complete idiot, but having to put on a "I don't care" face so people won't know how bad it hurts! I have over heard many conversations from guys who say "I want a girl who is fit and hot" well guess what they don't always keep that body after your married so good luck with that!! At this point in my life the "pool" gets smaller and more and more dirtbags come out. I've gotten to the point when I do get asked out I don't even want to say yes because most the time they cancel or just don't show. Nothing bugs me more than hearing people say "so are you dating anyone" and when you reply no they can't just leave it at that they have to throw there two sense in and say things like "Why not?" Or "You need to put yourself out there more" it is all I can do to not blow up on them and say "Kiss my a$$ I try." I've had many people tell me you just need to go to church and the activities and it will happen. Well how is it going to happen there when every freaking Sunday yu sit by yourself in every meeting?!? It's not that I don't talk to people, I try talking to lots but every Sunday I get there sit down put my purse on the ground and watch people walk past me and sit in sacrament and relief society, but yet there i sit by myself. So what do I do now I hardly want to go. I want to go back to my moms ward because I know there I will have someone to sit by every week and I won't be alone and embarrassed that I'm sitting alone. I don't go to activities because why would I go just to be alone when I can stay in the comfort of my own home and not have to be embarrassed that I'm there alone and have no one to sit by or talk to. I always thought that the "clique stage" would end after high school but I guess I was wrong about that too. I don't write this blog for people to feel bad for me I write it because people don't realize when they ask "why aren't you dating?" How hard it is sometime that it's all I can do to not cry or blow up on them!!! I write it because people don't realize that as simple as the questions might be, the response they give you when you say no is hard to hear every time! One of the dentists where I work asked me If I was married or dating anyone?" When I said no his response was perfect he didn't give me a lecture about "putting myself out there" he just simply said "well when it's your time The Lord will lead you both to each other" and left it at that. I wish so badly that people would leave it with that, but for some reason people can't. All I can say is when you ask someone if they are dating or married when they say no don't do the typical thing and make them feel worse. There has been countless nights that all I pray for is the comfort to help me through those days because I see people who live in sin and have what I want more then anything in this world, someone to call mine and a family/kids of my own. When I do everything I'm supposed to be doing and yet it still doesn't happen, for a reason I will never understand. So the next time you ask someone "Are you dating anyone or married?" And they say no put yourself in there shoes and THINK before you respond because that person maybe struggling with the fact that they aren't dating or married or having kids when that's all they really want!!